Amore

  

   I cannot remember if the day was clear and bright or painful and sunny on the first day that I saw you, but what I remember is that there was enough light outside for me to see your beautiful face so clearly. I almost tripped on my own two feet at the sight. People surrounded us, they might have been your friends but my memory is mostly concerned with who you were and how you looked and what you were doing. Braids framed your face and a tank top showed off your skinny limbs. You had just eaten, I was going to eat. I wish I turned around and followed you to wherever you were heading to, I wish I was more sure of myself and was able to approach those who piqued my interest and accelerated my heart beats,I wish I ate the same time as you so I could sneak glances your way. So many wishes.

    You were the friend of an acquaintance who was the friend of a new friend. I was never going to speak to you lol, but I was going to inhabit the same spaces as you sometimes and that made me so happy. That made me smile. One time, on a most fortunate day, we were in our groups of friends so close to each other and I could hear them complain about how you were so studious and devoted to school work. I blushed on your behalf. That day, our eyes locked for the time in one second and my heart stopped. My eyes couldn't look away.

-

    The first time I ever met you, you were drunk at a party and I quickly noted that you unconsciously invaded people's personal space. The look on your face was dreamy and dazed with a dopey grin. Originally, I assumed that was a side of you that only came out when the alcohol kicked in but as we started meeting more and more, I saw that was just you, inebriated and sober. You are very carefree with your invasive smile and your wild hair, I wonder if it's coarse or soft. You would let me touch your hair if I asked, but I could never satisfy such a craving. To crave others is much more delicious than satisfying yourself with them, no?

I had never expected to be curious with you, but I always watch people whom I believe to be kind so it should not have been a surprise to me, but it was. I did not like the surprise very much until one day you gave me the infamous smile again and I found myself unable to move. I just stared at you.

o_O

    You were less of a surprise but the heaviest burden because we were inseparable and destined to be friends forever. To this day, I have not forgotten how to love you and I fall into my old habits on most days. I could love someone else and abandon them without a second thought for you. Never has someone affected me so.

    Your skin is softer than velvet. Your smile is so radiant it blinds me. Just thinking about you and how beautiful you are moves me to tears, almost. You fill me up with violently beautiful emotions, and my stomach is not so much inhabited by butterflies but bees stinging me over and over again as I'm overcome with the reminder that I can never have you the way I want. I love you but it pains me so deliciously to see you, I hate it.  

    Realising that it would be so hard to get over you was one of the worst periods of my life, I could only stare pause and stare at the ground in that moment. I did not know what else to do.

>.<

    You. I wish I could fall in love with you. I want to love you so bad, but my body constantly denies my wishes. It would be a wonderful adventure. You would be able to open my eye to a new part of life, you would love me so deliciously. You would savour me. Your love could be like a soothing caress on my thigh on an empty day. It might be like an erratic and thunderous beat of drums, lifting my spirits and calling me to dance. 

    You would serenade me with carefully crafted stanzas, and I would give in. Falling for you would be refreshing, like the bite of a plump juicy peach is on a beautiful day, but I look at you and there is nothing in my chest. It is embarassingly empty. I'm just feeling frustrated because I'm staring at your text, wanting furiously to be in love with you but I simply cannot.

:-(

     People discuss love as though it is a well crafted plan: do you "date to marry" or are you just "wasting  time"? I completely reject the idea of having an end goal in love. I do not love for the love to be returned, to be married in the future, or for the sake of just being involved with someone (in this last case, it is not love though, just some hideous parody and bastardisation of it). I just happen to love, no matter how long or short the love may last. I knew I was not going to remain in love with you for long. It would have been a miracle if it lasted up to three months but it was the best of times. It was also the worst of times. Never have I ever felt so many emotions all at once, I hated it immensely, thank you for that.

:P

    Thinking about you is so easy but writing about you is hard because I am not sure I would be able to sufficiently describe you. I will try though.

    It is very easy to make the mistake of believing that you're easy to watch, easy to be next to, easy to talk to, because, from a distance, your intensity is not properly felt. As a fool, I ran to where angels feared to tread, eager to make a friend but stumbled and fell in love. It was like someone had just forcefed me a gallon of honey. It was too thick, too sweet, too much. I didn't know what to do with myself and I was stuck in a brown mess. You were in my hair, in my eyes, on my shirt and skirt, all over my legs, and I was sick on the delicious taste of you. As a fool, I ran away from you. I know you were confused, but just what could I do?

    I take you in small doses now, a bit afraid of you a bit addicted to the nauseating sweetness. 

:-/

   

Extras

#1 I liked you because you were dating someone, and stopped once you broke up.

#2 I've never felt anything for you and I never wanted to, but we would be funny and clumsy together, so, on some days, I amuse myself with the thought. I'm funny like that.

#3 With you, I can't determine if it was love or extreme admiration, and that frustrates me, but it has passed.